Back Pocket Thoughts

Some people hate it; others, like me, cannot help it. While reading I dog-ear pages all the time. The issue is, the habitual practice is more useless than beneficial..until now.

Often times I read something out of a book or hear something profound and think, "Dang, I sure hope I can remember to write about that later!" This post, and many more like it, will be dedicated to the "worth-a-second-look" collection of meaningful thoughts, ideas or quotes that pop up throughout my daily life. You know, the ones we find ourselves reading again, repeating, or even memorizing. I like to call them "back pocket thoughts."

• "Some men want to sit within the sound of a church or chapel bell; not I, I want to set up a rescue shop within a yard of Hell."  - missionary C.T. Studd (Feb. 2011)
• "As I see it, the evidence is incontestable: Christians risk becoming utterly irrelevant in their own culture if they continue to separate people into 'We, the Saved' and 'They, the Damned.'" - Carlton Pearson (Feb. 2011)
• While reading Making All Things New by Henri J.M. Nouwen - (Dec. 2010)
•    "What would happen if we stopped worrying? If the urge to be entertained so much, to travel so much, to buy so much, and to arm ourselves so much no longer motivated our behavior, could our society as it is today still function? The tragedy is that we are indeed caught in a web of false expectations and contrived needs. Our occupations and preoccupations fill our external and internal lives to the brim. They prevent the Spirit of God from breathing freely in us and thus renewing our lives."
•    "Worrying causes us to be 'all over the place,' but seldom at home. One way to express the spiritual crisis of our time is to say that most of us have an address but cannot be found there."

The Blind Journey

The Journey - Trusting in What's Ahead

After struggling to understand my long-term vision of being in the Bay Area of California, I began to ask God if my time there was done. The origin of this internal debate dates back to January of 2010. I began questioning the idea of stepping back from Young Life staff - only to continue serving as a volunteer. My notion was to serve wholeheartedly out of my own ambition, not to fulfill an external pressure of meeting organizational goals as a paid staff member. This unsettling quandary continued to grow. Eventually, the conclusion finally gained clarity: if my time and energy should be maximized - if you want me to serve and get your biggest bang for your buck - then I need only to serve out of the bottom of my heart. . .for free. In other words, I simply want to be a leader amongst volunteer leaders. I wanted to relinquish the pressures of meeting a status quo. I no longer wanted to concentrate on counting numbers as a success rate. I wanted to go back to the basics of outreach ministry. Let someone else do my job, I just want to be a volunteer. 


In the short of it, I was struggling a lot with being paid by the ministry. I considered donating my income back to our campership fund, just to help support kids going to Young Life camp. I realized I wanted to be that guy - the one that writes a check to the ministry - all while still volunteering to walk along side kids in life. We spend so much time and energy fundraising, I figured I could simply be that guy that takes the stress off the staff folks. No need to fundraise as much any more if someone is donating without all the "showiness", lights and banquet invitations. 


In light of the internal struggles and questioning, I was able to undergo some serious spiritual transformation. My outlook had a fresh perspective. I reexamined everything I was doing in the ministry. I was rediscovering the unfailing love of God. I rediscovered the passion of Jesus and his desire to reach the lost sheep. I was loving kids more passionately than I ever had. Suddenly, I felt the ground beneath me moving as if my time in the Tri-Valley were coming to a close. And all I wanted to do is make sure I allowed God's love to pour out of me, while never forgetting nor forsaking the relationships I was blessed to find myself in. Without a doubt, I was right where I was supposed to be all along. I needed to learn those things in order to become more in touch with who God wants me to be.

The Boys at Woodleaf

But without going on, I must say, I miss the boys of Foothill High School. I miss the leaders I served with. I miss my boss Jeannette, our conversations over food and her family. I miss hanging with Kim in the office, having Mandarin Chicken and being around her boys. I miss driving by Amador Valley High School, Hart, PMS and Harvest Park to pray. I miss the Mahoney family I stayed with for almost two years. I miss Monday nights at the Young Life club house. I miss walking thru life with those I learned to love so dearly. 


So this is the underbelly of the whole transition. Little would I know God would pluck me from the situation and lead me to an island. This is only the beginning of the on-going series of posts pertaining to The Blind Journey - my story of God's plan for me reaching His lost sheep. More to come soon. . .

One Month In

Well, believe it or not, my time here on island has gone by rather quickly. It has been quite an adventure thus far. One thing I have promised myself: to take full advantage of the location I find myself in, never forgetting to gaze at God's beauty. When thinking about the past month living on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I decided to take note of some of the gnarly experiences and other events worth mentioning. Here are a few things that have been worth noting in the adventure:


- On Sept. 13 I surrendered my California license and attained a new one - it has a rainbow on it 
- Bought a car, a 1992 Subaru wagon that I named Elanor
- Flew into Honolulu and visited the island of Oahu for four days partaking in Young Life Mission Community Weekend
- Caught a ferry boat and spent two nights on the island of Molokai to train leaders in Young Life
- Moved from Lahaina to the town of Kihei, now living with 3 other Godly guys in a nice bachelor pad
- Have watched nearly every sunset fall to the horizon :)


With many more adventures to come, I couldn't help but look back at the blessings I have already experienced. Yet the biggest portion of my time here so far has been left unspoken, the ministry movement. This is mainly because it is discussed in length in the continued blog post titled: The Blind Journey

Heartbeat of Young Life

I was floating thru the great world of facebook tonight and I stumbled across a very well done video out of Nashville. The clip highlights the heartbeat of the ministry of Young Life. Though many informational type videos have been made about the ministry, I feel this one is very current and applicable to most audiences. So before I go any further, I will let the rest of the story be told by the narrator of the short film. I encourage you to rest for the next 10 minutes and let God move in your heart.

“Dear Lord,

Give us the teenagers that we may lead them to Thee. Our hearts ache for the millions of young people who remain untouched by the Gospel and for the tragically large proportion of those who have dropped by the wayside and find themselves without spiritual guidance. Help us to give them a chance, oh Father, a chance to become aware of thy Son’s beauty and healing power in the might of the Holy Spirit. Oh, Lord Jesus, give us the teenagers, each one at least long enough for a meaningful confrontation with Thee. We are at best unprofitable servants, but thy grace is sufficient. Oh, thou Holy Spirit, give us the teenagers. For we love them and know them to be awfully lonely. Dear Lord, give us the teenagers.” - Jim Rayburn

Learning the Lingo

I'm always tempted to buy Rosetta Stone - but the stupid program is $200 - and some change. Can't afford that. Luckily that route is not even an option with the Hawaiian language. Though learning a new language can be intimidating, native Hawaiian lingo is a fun change of pace. At first, it can be confusing and frustrating (especially getting around with the street names). But once you get used to it, it kinda flows smoothly off the tongue. Just the sounds of the words remind me of trees gently swaying in the breeze and the sound of the crashing waves. I found out that today, Hawaiian is spoken as an every day language only on the privately owned island of Ni'ihau, 17 miles off the coast of Kaua'i (which I have no clue as to where that is). Otherwise, English is mixed into daily conversation with Hawaiian scattered in use. But I have figured out that pronunciation is not as tough as it seems.

When missionaries discovered that the Hawaiians had no written language, they sat down and created an alphabet. This Hawaiian alphabet has only 12 letters - less than half than English. Five vowels: A, E, I, O and U, as well as seven consonants, H, K, L, M, N, P and W. The consonants are pronounced just as they are in English, with the exception of W. It is often pronounced as a V when in the middle of a word and comes after an E or I. Vowels are pronounced as follows:

A - pronounced as in Ah if stressed, or above if not stressed.

E - pronounced as in say if stressed, or dent if not stressed.

I - pronounced as in bee.

O - pronounced as in no.

U - pronounced as in boo.

Then, I learned something rather different to me. The upside down apostrophe, known as a glottal stop, is meant to provide a hard stop in the pronunciation. It usually falls between a double letter. Just think about it...you and I have probably been pronouncing "Honolulu" wrong all our lives!

Give this one a go... it's the name of the Hawaiian state fish: Humuhumunukunukapua'a. It is often said that the fish's name is longer than the fish. Nonetheless, it sure is a beautiful creature, yeah?

The Calling of a Lifetime

The question lately: what is the significance of "matthewninenine"? Superb inquiry. I would love to elaborate.

Cousin Jacob and I showed up for 6:30 mass at St. Mary's Church of the Assumption in West, TX. The night was June 7 of 2008. That's a lot of detail, huh? Well, it's the day, time and place that has shaped my life ever since. You see, two days prior I had just returned from a visit in the Bay Area of NorCal, interviewing for a position with YoungLife. After my return back to Texas, I was left with a choice to make: take the leap of faith and move to Pleasanton, CA, or stay close to home and take the job offer in the field I studied at university. Big decision to make. So that night in the pew listening to Father Ed, it became as clear as grandma's plastic wrap on a piece of leftover pecan pie. It was as if God had whispered into my ear: choose yourself, or choose Me. 

Sitting there glued to the sermon, Father Ed had shared the passage from the gospel of Matthew, in the ninth chapter, starting at the ninth verse.

9As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

Throughout the ministry of Jesus, we are constantly invited to "just come and see." So in the come-and-see fashion, Jesus reaches out to a tax collector named Matthew (also referred to as Levi in other gospels), who is known as the crook of society, the dishonorable in character, the least popular in profession, by simply saying "follow me." According to scripture, we are not quite sure where Jesus and Matthew went or what they did as they left the tax booth. But the story picks up around food time.

10While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. 

Hello! Am I missing something here? "Follow me" turns into... please pass the gravy. "Collecting taxes" becomes, for Matthew...witnessing unconditional compassion. Apparently the relationship was established quickly enough to influence Matthew to open his home to a bunch of riff-raff. Ever realized how Jesus was not necessarily invited into the home, yet he invited himself? The point of observation I come to is this: Jesus put himself in that situation. He went to the people who needed him most - the crooks, the prostitutes, the lowly and disreputable characters. Something about the quality, strength and passion of Jesus shook these people in a very non-threatening manner. He offers a peaceful and inviting relationship to Matthew, which is ultimately the exact character that drew me nearer to him. 

As I sat in the pew that evening of June 7, God's voice echoed in my mind: "Follow me." Indeed, the calling was clear. God was calling me - the least of many. "Choose yourself, or choose me," he said. Herein lies the vocation of my life. My heart was convicted. Just weeks later I drove across the Arizona/California border and started an adventurous journey of "following" Jesus. Just to add to it, my given name happens to be Matthew. Well, at least that made it easier for me to follow along in the sermon. 

Nowadays, I get to share the wonderful journey with my loved ones via blog style. Appropriately named, matthewninenine will always have a special spot in my life, as the story and account of Jesus continue to affect those I now encourage to "just come and see."

Settling In. . .

Day one was a doozy of a whopper. Andy picked me up at the airport before noon, local time. I jumped right into island life and doing ministry. It wasn't long until Andy and I had our first board meeting. I wasn't expecting it so soon, but I knew it would happen before long. So I crammed all my luggage into the SUV and we headed to the beach. Like I said, we had our first board meeting. Surf's up!

Later on in the night I had my first real contact with kids in the area. . .the Lahainaluna football squad. Andy is a coach for the JV team, so I got to follow him around. The sense of family and camaraderie amongst the kids and coaches is quite remarkable. This team plays not just to represent the school, but the entire community of Lahaina. People show up for this team - they have a solid following. It was exciting just to be a part of practice and have a presence. Later in the night, the entire football program had a bye week sleep-over on the home football field, which included a feast, entertainment and a movie. The fun part. . .Andy was put in charge of facilitating the entertainment. So naturally, Andy and I put on a Young Life club with 52 teenage boys! It was awesome! I didn't stay the night though, I was way too tired. Three hours worth of time change wore me out!

After settling in here with the Claydon family, we paused to realize how blessed we are to live and serve the Lord in such a beautiful place. From the kitchen window you can see the ocean, as well as the sunset each day. So this evening, Saturday, we played a game of wiffle ball in the street and onto the front lawn. A few of the neighborhood boys were hanging out. Such a blast!

The sun was setting on the front lawn. Instinct, I grabbed the camera. Witnessing the fading fire ball bouncing off the clouds reminded me of a passage from Ecclesiastes chapter 3. Enjoy!

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

A Truthful Heart

Proverbs 3:5

My mind is racing. My one-way flight to Maui departs in less than 48 hours. I am so thankful for this space to vent. The question tonight is this: "Is it sad that I can already visualize crying myself to sleep in Maui??" 

Allow me to explain. . .

I have had plenty of time to mentally prepare for the move to Hawai'i. However, I have not had the relaxed confidence (or contentment, I can't decide which word to use here) to fully explain to ALL family, friends and others what this move actually means for me. To be honest, I have been astonished by the responses to the update, perhaps completely surprised. I guess I assumed the reactions would be different.  It has caused me to take another look at the whole process, which I look forward to digesting more as time passes. After two weeks in Texas, maybe the most common reaction I heard was, "Wow! Maui is beautiful! When can we visit?"

The truth is, I'm quite nervous. I am leaving my family all over again and putting distance between some very meaningful relationships. I hardly know anyone in Maui, also not very familiar with the surroundings or have all the comforts and securities of calling the shots. Granted, I know I sound like a mess. But in my heart, I know this is a healthy fear. 

Even though I don't expect everyone to understand my motive in this, it must be voiced. I have had significant time to think about the very purpose of the journey. In fact, I have had enough time to think of why I am not going either. It goes something like this: 

I am not departing so I can live next to the roaring waves; I am not hoping to merely drag my feet in the sand; I am not moving to see how tan my body can get; I am not reaching to catch rainbows. As wonderful and enticing as each scenario sounds, they are nothing more than light and fluffy complements to my goal. Quite honestly, I am after one thing: to know what it means to entirely NEED God. 

This passion to need God jumped in my life at the end of May 2010. It came at me strong. I began to consider if being homeless would help me understand what this need meant. At least in my life, I have become complacent with my walk in various ways. Have I lost my faith? No. But am I a hypocrite? Yes! - because my demonstration does not always match my proclamation. Do I take most things for granted? Yes! - while the majority of the world suffers without. Do I turn from those in need? Yes! - while I sleep in my comfortable bed in my safe house with warm water and electricity. Am I calling that a sin? Not necessarily, but in my own life, I have lost sight of what it means to need God. And that my friends, is what I am after. My hope and prayer is that I may fall helplessly in need of God in every aspect of my life. 

In Colossians 1:15, it reads that "Jesus Christ is the visible image of the invisible God." This is what I will lean on. To better know God, I will look at Jesus. To understand how to share that with others, I will study the teaching's of Jesus. To better know how to completely, unconditionally and solely rely on God, I will turn to Jesus in the darkest of nights, the strangest of times and the most unholy of rebellion. In that same breath, I am not afraid to cry in Maui. 

Pray for me on this journey. It is better not to go alone. 

Posting for Purpose

Mission statements are legit. But not here. I simply don't have one. I don't want one. I don't feel I need one. Perhaps this blog, the treasure box, won't be labeled with a mission, but it definitely has a purpose.

I write because I have thoughts that need to go somewhere. . .other than the corners of my mind. I am on a wild, faith-filled journey. . .that I do not want to go on alone. Therefore, out of the sake of sharing thoughts and provoking conversations, seeking guidance and sharing story, I have resorted, like many I follow, to the world wide web. This blog is intended to be a place of discussion, consultation, ventilation, question, observation and discovery. The conversations stemming from this collection of thoughts are aimed towards sifting through what I am convinced a major part of our life purpose is all about. . .learning more about our creator. . .and how he plays a role in the life we live out.

As the stories begin to unravel, entertain yourself and everyone else by adding your own thoughts and opinions. Public dialog, my friend. Your additions are encouraged and valued. Speak freely, but please be tasteful.

It should be one epic adventure. Join me, won't you?

Here's to the journey. . .of sifting through the treasure box. . .

Life Chapters

I'm not sure about you, but when I read a book, one thing that keeps my attention is short chapters. Seriously though, pick up a book and try reading a chapter that is 42 pages long. I do my best to steer clear. For me, I just get lost. My mind wanders. Other tasks, life issues and personal matter start to overwhelm my small little space of concentration. Honestly speaking, I have a hard time focusing in on what is right at hand unless I can focus on a small piece for an extra amount of time.

Now pick up a book and zoom in on a 15-page chapter. Oh yea...I'm processing now!

So, is it a bit embarrassing? Perhaps. But I'll just break looooong chapters into smaller ones and call it a night. No worries here. There are plenty of things I wish I did better.

So what's my point? Well, this morning I was thinking of the crossover and similarities to life. Over the past 7-8 years, it's as though my life has happened in shorter chapters. Very recently, I spent my last full day on Young Life staff in Pleasanton, California, celebrating a joyous and life-changing adventure. Filled with ups and downs, I would not trade it for the world. I have personally been stretched more than ever in my life. God has showed me what it means to be a faithful follower in a far away land. Such a rewarding and special time. However, it continues to be a challenging transition in my life. I now find myself having to put distance in the relationships and personal life stories I have been intertwined with over the past two years. My mindset on the move has been, "it's not goodbye...it's I'll see you later." All in all, I really hope to live that motto out.

As I thumb thru the recent chapter of my life, I realize that my life is changing once again. Just over two years have gone by since crossing the Arizona border to enter the Golden State. Now, that chapter has come to a close...for now. But what does that look like? Well, let's just say the word "aloha" will be used far more than ever before.