The Blind Journey

The Journey - Trusting in What's Ahead

After struggling to understand my long-term vision of being in the Bay Area of California, I began to ask God if my time there was done. The origin of this internal debate dates back to January of 2010. I began questioning the idea of stepping back from Young Life staff - only to continue serving as a volunteer. My notion was to serve wholeheartedly out of my own ambition, not to fulfill an external pressure of meeting organizational goals as a paid staff member. This unsettling quandary continued to grow. Eventually, the conclusion finally gained clarity: if my time and energy should be maximized - if you want me to serve and get your biggest bang for your buck - then I need only to serve out of the bottom of my heart. . .for free. In other words, I simply want to be a leader amongst volunteer leaders. I wanted to relinquish the pressures of meeting a status quo. I no longer wanted to concentrate on counting numbers as a success rate. I wanted to go back to the basics of outreach ministry. Let someone else do my job, I just want to be a volunteer. 


In the short of it, I was struggling a lot with being paid by the ministry. I considered donating my income back to our campership fund, just to help support kids going to Young Life camp. I realized I wanted to be that guy - the one that writes a check to the ministry - all while still volunteering to walk along side kids in life. We spend so much time and energy fundraising, I figured I could simply be that guy that takes the stress off the staff folks. No need to fundraise as much any more if someone is donating without all the "showiness", lights and banquet invitations. 


In light of the internal struggles and questioning, I was able to undergo some serious spiritual transformation. My outlook had a fresh perspective. I reexamined everything I was doing in the ministry. I was rediscovering the unfailing love of God. I rediscovered the passion of Jesus and his desire to reach the lost sheep. I was loving kids more passionately than I ever had. Suddenly, I felt the ground beneath me moving as if my time in the Tri-Valley were coming to a close. And all I wanted to do is make sure I allowed God's love to pour out of me, while never forgetting nor forsaking the relationships I was blessed to find myself in. Without a doubt, I was right where I was supposed to be all along. I needed to learn those things in order to become more in touch with who God wants me to be.

The Boys at Woodleaf

But without going on, I must say, I miss the boys of Foothill High School. I miss the leaders I served with. I miss my boss Jeannette, our conversations over food and her family. I miss hanging with Kim in the office, having Mandarin Chicken and being around her boys. I miss driving by Amador Valley High School, Hart, PMS and Harvest Park to pray. I miss the Mahoney family I stayed with for almost two years. I miss Monday nights at the Young Life club house. I miss walking thru life with those I learned to love so dearly. 


So this is the underbelly of the whole transition. Little would I know God would pluck me from the situation and lead me to an island. This is only the beginning of the on-going series of posts pertaining to The Blind Journey - my story of God's plan for me reaching His lost sheep. More to come soon. . .